This week in L.A., a local news channel did a story on “NoMoPhobia”—a new term to describe the panic some of us feel when we don’t have our cell phones on us. The idea made me chuckle, until I came to realize that it was likely very true. Our attachment to technology has become a very real phenomenon. And for online entrepreneurs, like you and I, it also brings about cyber envy.
How many of you can relate to these experiences?
1. You check your email in the morning and find a new email blast from Debbie Super Coach, a leader in your industry. Admittedly, you are subscribed to her list so you can keep an eye on what she’s doing—and how she’s doing it. She drives you nuts, but you still read it all. She shares how delighted she is that her latest 300-person workshop has completely sold out, while she’s been raising six adopted children from Africa, losing 10 pounds, and cooking homemade organic meals for her family. Your stomach sinks, because you’ve been marketing your own workshop for two months now and enrollments are low. (And you’ve been so busy that your kids get Cheerios for dinner.)
2. Then you get another announcement from Tricky Dick — the marketer you subscribe to, whose latest launch is causing a huge buzz. It irritates you. You don’t even like him. He’s kind of a sexist pig. And you don’t even understand what he’s selling, but now you feel you should take some time and watch his 36-part video series and buy his stuff—because everyone else talks about him and seems to like him. Maybe he knows something you don’t. And if you don’t get this product now, it may be GONE later, you know?
3. Then you get a Facebook update from a competitor of yours named Sherrie Merry. You used to be friends until she copied one of your sales letters. And now you see she has 100,000 social media followers! You have only 5,000. And the kicker is… you know her stuff SUCKS!
You scream “WTF?!!” from your home office so loudly that your neighbors likely hear you.
You are ready to LOSE IT.
Ladies, welcome to cyber envy!
Cyber envy takes its toll on us in two ways. First, it causes envy. You see others doing or having what you wish you were doing or having.
But it also creates anxiety. With the internet and social media, we are seeing everything at once from everyone. Accomplishments, numbers, and accolades are coming at us from all directions. It feels like a constant race and competition. And yet we just can’t turn it off. It feels like if we don’t log on everyday, or subscribe to every list, we are missing out on something.
It goes without saying that this is NOT a healthy place from which to work and live. Wouldn’t you rather wake up every day, and truly celebrate others’ successes without somehow feeling like you have less, or even worse, ARE less?
It is possible. I had to work on this myself. Here are a few strategies that helped me…
Explore Your Envy
Think about the types of online activities that trigger envy for you. Is it the success of another entrepreneur’s latest launch, the impressive roster of speakers at a competitor’s conference, the buzz about another in your industry, or a friend’s huge community of Facebook followers that gets you down?
By becoming very specific about what it is you are envious of, you empower yourself to make the right choice—the one that will serve you best. Let’s take a look at a few:
Choice #1: Use Your Envy as Fuel
Take a look at your cyber envy triggers and use it as a guiding light that’s shining on where you want to improve YOUR business. If you see that a competitor has an amazing following on Twitter, then set a plan to increase your own followers. If she’s getting tons of media, and you want that too, hire a publicist. If you’re envious of someone’s speaker lineup, then make it a goal to attract better speakers at your next event. If you’re jealous of a competitor’s creative marketing campaign, or how her website looks, it’s time to up-level your branding.
Choice #2: Let Your Envy Go
Sometimes, like in real life, it’s best to pick your battles. At the end of the day, only you can define what makes you successful and happy. One woman may need to make millions to see herself as successful, while another is over the moon breaking six figures. For others, success means making a comfortable living by being creative and happy. If you read between the virtual lines, which these days means status updates, shared links, quotes, etc. you’ll find these unique definitions of success. So let your envy go—and get clear on what you want YOUR unique life to be.
Choice #3: Subscribe to Yourself
I hope that you literally already subscribe to your own list, but here, I mean you should SUBSCRIBE to yourself. To YOU and what you stand for. When you look deep down inside, you’ll hear a unique voice that only you can offer to the world. It’s why you started your business, and it’s WHAT will keep you in business for years to come, as long as you don’t get sidetracked.
Don’t lose your voice in the noise of other people’s marketing, launches, etc. Stick to your guns. If someone just had an insanely successful launch, but it doesn’t feel right to you, or your gut is telling you to try something different, go for it! You don’t have to follow what the crowd is doing. You never know what goldmine you’ll stumble upon on your own.
One Last Tip:
If you try to stay on top of what EVERY person in your field is doing, it will cause your demise. So, I recommend you choose just THREE leaders who you really want to learn from, and follow them well. Not just marketers. I mean real leaders. People who you learn from and who engage you and inspire you.
Then, turn off your Facebook and Twitter alerts. You can poke your head in and check on all your social media when you have time.
If at first this feels scary to do—to NOT watch what everyone else is doing in real time. But remember, all those other marketers will be out there for years to come. You can tap into the noise again whenever you want to. And I guarantee they will still have something to sell you!
How About It?
I’d love to hear from YOU—please comment below. Have you experienced Cyber Envy? Or do you just find it all overwhelming? And how have you handled it?
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© 2012 Ali International, LLC
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“Entrepreneur mentor Ali Brown teaches women around the world how to start and grow a profitable business that make a positive impact. Get her FREE CD “Top 10 Secrets for Entrepreneurial Women” at www.AliBrown.com“
Melodye says:
March 15, 2012 at 7:55 pm
Great article! NoMoPhobia <– too funny.
It's easy to get stuck in comparison (copy every #@!$ thing your competitors do) mode and really get down on yourself, I'll admit I've been there.
Ali, I bet you're the cause of a lot of Cyber Envy. I really believe envy shows us what we want for ourselves…and it hurts to want something so bad and see someone else with it. Let's be honest, it sucks!
I used to beat myself up, thinking "Girl, get ya #$@! together" Look at so and so, they seem to be doing really well. I realized I have to stop comparing myself. I no longer watch everything my competitors are doing I don't have time to. I got moves to make.
My advice: Unsubscribe from their lists, stop stalking their websites, unfriend them and FOCUS on what you want to bring to market. Especially if you know they're not as good as you. You owe it your market.
Be ambitious. Have drive. Stay focused.
Joy says:
March 15, 2012 at 8:06 pm
Ali, you had me at hello. This could be your best blog post yet. I LOVED it:-)
Deborah Skye says:
March 15, 2012 at 8:17 pm
Ali,
I am laughing SO hard! What a brilliant and factual article, so…true! Thank you!
Ruth Reiner says:
March 15, 2012 at 8:24 pm
Ali, this has to be one of THE best articles of rhe many that you have created!! So on target… Thank You!!
Shelly Yonovak says:
March 15, 2012 at 8:25 pm
TIMELY! I’m launching… doing very well, however – Social Media is stumping me! Looking forward to your call tonight! Be Blessed! :)
Jean Marcey says:
March 15, 2012 at 8:33 pm
This one really hit home – for two reasons: first, it accurately describes the week I had last week, and second, it is really part of the reason I do what I do – wellness retreats in wilderness locations where there is no cell phone service, no internet, no television. As your article mentions, Ali, sometimes we have to disconnect (from technology) in order to re-connect (with ourselves).
Aga says:
March 15, 2012 at 8:36 pm
I love you for this Ali, super accurate, super to the point… we are overwhelm with info form may gurus out there. Tome to cherish our own successes first. I felt this today too much info every day is killing creative juice in us. I appreciate you from my heart.
Suellen says:
March 15, 2012 at 8:47 pm
Thanks Ali – I needed that!
Sage says:
March 15, 2012 at 8:59 pm
I completely relate to cyber envy. I often compare myself to others who don’t have a “day job” and can devote themselves completely to their own businesses. I’m going to remind myself that it doesn’t matter how long it takes for me to reach my goals as long as I’m moving forward. Great article!
Monique Parker says:
March 15, 2012 at 9:08 pm
Hi Ali, this is so hilariously funny and so true! And sad at the same time… because I know I spend WAAAY too much time in cyber envy land instead of focusing on myself and what I’m creating.
Jennifer Kem says:
March 15, 2012 at 9:15 pm
Ali, this topic is so real for all of us elevating ourselves! Thank you. Whenever I get the cyber envy, I first realize, those people are there because they worked and believed in what they are doing…and therefore so should I. And second, and most important, I remind myself that I AM ENOUGH.
Sharon Johnson says:
March 15, 2012 at 9:28 pm
Thanks Ali! I’ve been feeling cyber envy but didn’t have a name for it. I like your suggestion to follow 3 leaders. Otherwise it’s easy to get overwhelmed.
Lorrie Morgan-Ferrero says:
March 15, 2012 at 9:35 pm
I loved the funny names and your great style in this article. You’ll ALWAYS be one of my top 3 leaders to follow. xoxo
Vicky says:
March 15, 2012 at 9:56 pm
Hi Ali,
What a wonderful article, hilarious, insightful, and educational. I really appreciate the tip on “following 3 leaders”. Thank you.
Kim Peterson says:
March 15, 2012 at 10:11 pm
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said to follow “People who you learn from and who engage you and inspire you.” the rest is noise that can derail your day in a heart beat. Focus on the positive and try with all your might to stay there as often as you can :0)
Dorris Burch says:
March 15, 2012 at 11:12 pm
This was a great article and I laughed so much because it is all so true. Thanks for the awareness and insight.
dotJenna says:
March 15, 2012 at 11:28 pm
This reminds me of an article I read last week on Psychology Today by Dennis Palumbo. I’ve thought of it several times since I read it. Your advice is right in line… And this is the same plight of Hollywood stars. Fame is everywhere. :)
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hollywood-the-couch/201112/envy-in-hollywood
Gail McMeekin says:
March 16, 2012 at 1:02 am
Dear Ali,
Your article is a delightful way to remind all of us creative women that we need to Filter and Focus our energies in order to be successful. So often this Cyber Envy is a way of distracting ourselves from our own life purpose and priorities. You can’t write a book or invent a new product if you are engaging in cyber voyuerism all day long. We need to develop our own business map and stay true to our vision. Thanks for a great article.
Gail McMeekin
Leila Fanner says:
March 17, 2012 at 10:15 am
Totally agree with you Gail! Well said. I loved Ali’s humor in this article.
I’ve taken a digital detox in the past for this very reason and it worked wonders on my creativity!
Ettie says:
March 16, 2012 at 1:18 am
Ali ,Thanks for ides from Solid Steps to Success. Real practicaland helpful strategies that i can put into practise immediately.
Blessings
Ettie
Tania Gabrielle says:
March 16, 2012 at 4:41 am
LOVED this article, Ali! You are honest, funny and wise! Unbeatable combo. Thanks for making laugh out loud :)
Marla Dennis says:
March 16, 2012 at 5:34 am
Hysterical! Very true and very funny ~ Thank you Ali :) Always inspired by your wit and creativity.
Jena Rodriguez says:
March 16, 2012 at 2:30 pm
YES! Fantastic as always. This really hit the spot. I do feel “behind” at times after seeing what others are doing, but you have shed new light. Half the battle is awareness; you have elevated my awareness on this subject matter and now I will forever see it differently. Thanks for the shift!
Keithra says:
March 16, 2012 at 2:54 pm
I love this article and totally agree with what you’re saying. I love the advice you gave on just finding 3 leaders and following them it really cuts your time on following so much people.
Stacey @ Shine Weight Loss says:
March 16, 2012 at 11:34 pm
Great post! So true. Easy to fall into the trap of what I call “guru gluttony.” It’s great to learn from others, but you’ve got to stay in your own lane.
Heidi Alexandra Pollard says:
March 17, 2012 at 10:57 am
Loving the comic in you Ali.
You are so spot on there is no competition when you are being yourself. Right on!
Ana says:
March 18, 2012 at 9:45 pm
Ali, I just read a Debbie Super Coach newsletter 5 min before I saw this blog post. Love this! I really needed to read this right now. Gracias.
Jeannie Spiro says:
March 18, 2012 at 11:43 pm
Ali this is such a fantastic article!!! If I said I never had Cyber Envy I’d be lying. I have absolutely had it and every once in a while it rears it’s ugly head but I think that’s mostly during a time when I question and doubt myself. When I get back in touch with my “why”, how I’m different and what I have to offer then I feel more confident.
Thanks as always!
Jeannie
Sharon McMillan says:
March 21, 2012 at 11:35 pm
Yes I receive mail from all those characters ;-) But what is important for me in this post is the big REMINDER that I need to ignore, focus (on my biz) and then be selective in choosing to follow those experts and thought leaders who truly give me insight and value. Thanks Ali!
Jennifer Hoffman says:
March 22, 2012 at 11:23 pm
This is so timely as I just unsubscribed from nearly all of the newsletters I have been receiving, including several “Tricky Dicks and Dickettes’ that I know are not doing nearly as well as they want everyone to think. That said, I have enough on my plate with running my own business and I had to put limits on my cyber activities. I need to focus on my own business and let it grow without worrying about what others are doing. My father used to say ‘believe half of what you see and none of what you hear.’ And I have decided to limit my ‘hearing’ to those I know have something to offer. I agree with others here, this was a fantastic post. thank you.
Deborah Genovesi says:
August 14, 2012 at 6:07 pm
Great article Ali! It helps me to also remember that it makes no sense to compare my day-to-day career (with all its ups and downs) to everyone else’s “highlight reel,” and that’s all you see when you check out someone’s public persona on social media. Thanks for this great reminder–you rock!
Heike Miller says:
August 14, 2012 at 9:09 pm
Thanks, Ali, for the article, I love it. Not only because it’s funny, but I’m delighted to see that I’m not the only that feels a bit down after going through my newsfeed or emails.
The funny thing is that I get the most upset feelings when I see those that I don’t like or admire are “doing it” while I’m still paralysed. I don’t have these feelings when I see you or someone else I admire achieving things because that’s fine for me, it’s just an assurance that my chosen role models do well and it makes me feel upbeat because I think I can do it, too.
But if those “undeserving” (LOL!!!) people look successful it makes me fume, hahaha. It makes me think why am I not doing anything to be in the headlines. ;)