If you watched my livecast this week, you know I made a big personal announcement during the first hour.
My fiancé Brett and I are not only pregnant, but we are expecting TWINS.
Twins!
Yes, really.
While we weren’t “trying” this fall per se, we obviously weren’t trying not to. We were both open and talked about having a family, and we just had no idea it would happen so fast with my being 41. I kept reading things about how long you’d have to try at this age! While it was a huge surprise, and sooner than expected, we saw it as a clear sign of just how meant-to-be this all was.
The kicker was, we didn’t know we had two at first. Here was my ultrasound at about 7 weeks. Just one little bean, right?
So we were just getting used to the idea that a baby was in there.
Then, I went back to my O.B. at around 10 weeks. And she’s doing the ultrasound at that next visit, and is talking through it, but then stops dead in her tracks and squints closer at the screen.
I immediately became concerned something was wrong. And my mind jumped to things like, “Oh no… all that tequila before I knew!” etc.
And that’s when she said it:
“Hold on… everything’s fine. There’s more than one.”
I screamed.
Not in a terrifying way. Or a yee-haw way.
Just in this amused, confused, shocked, and “where-am-I-who-am-I-WTF-what-is-happening-to-me-this-can’t-be-real” kind of way.
And then she turned the screen to show me this:
And my life changed forever. Again.
(I told her, by the way, this snapshot should win an award.)
And for the next several weeks, I experienced an extreme emotional roller coaster that alternated among incredible joy, fear, and even guilt around this huge blessing.
JOY about—besides the babies themselves of course—the fact that after years and years of waiting (sometimes patient and peacefully, sometimes pissed off and jaded, sometimes incredibly heartbroken), I’d finally met the man who was evolved enough to be my match, to step up for me, and wanted to.
We can talk through anything with love and respect, and we work together as a team. We enjoy complete transparence with each other. (And OK he’s also tall, hot, charming, and intelligent, with amazing blue eyes and an Australian accent. Not a bad combo.) We are handling this new turn in our lives in an adult manner with a calmness, confidence, love, and compassion that I’ve honestly never experienced in a relationship before.
FEAR around the fact that honestly, I haven’t babysat since I was 14. I have no idea what I’m doing. I held a few cute babies during my episode of ABC’s Secret Millionaire, but that’s about it. I am buying every book I see and am recommended, most of which have high-expectation titles such as The Happiest Baby on the Block. But I really need a book called How to Keep Your Babies Alive and Not Screw Them Up for Life, You Maternal Moron!
I’m anxious about their arrival, their care, feeding, and upkeep; how I’ll handle it, how they will affect our relationship; and how we’ll raise them well while continuing to pursue many of the other dreams we had. And I keep hearing from moms how hard one is, let alone two.
GUILT around the fact that I know babies don’t manifest so easily for some. Especially women in their 40s. A few of my incredibly intuitive friends, as well as a Native American shaman I met in Arizona this past summer, saw me becoming pregnant this past fall. There was a little soul hanging around me, just waiting for me to be ready to bring him into the world. But now I was given two? A boy AND a girl? What did I do to deserve this? I have friends who have gone through all kinds of measures to have a child. Some have failed. Some are still trying. And here I am… blessed naturally with two at once?
A storyline from one of my favorite TV series of all time, Sex and the City, popped up in my mind. Sweet Charlotte had been desperately trying to become pregnant for two years with her perfect husband in their perfect marriage. And then hard-driven Miranda—who had no desire to be a mom—accidentally gets pregnant with her goofy boyfriend Steve, who only has one ball! Charlotte was heartbroken… “Why her and not me?” And Miranda felt incredibly guilty about her blessing (once she accepted it) when she thought of Charlotte. But they both realized they couldn’t worry about how or why things happened that way. And they both went on to live happily ever after, on their own paths, in their own ways.
And with all these feelings comes… my lesson.
The letting go.
The surrender.
The receiving.
The realization and acceptance.
…that the timing and process and all the details aren’t really up to us. (And are they really ever?)
And we may never know why we experience something or go through something or are given something—good or bad—or blessed with something. And you can’t fret and compare to others and worry. “Why them and not me? Why me and not them?” You just have to say thank you and receive and know that God has a plan for you and only you. And God has another plan for someone else, which is really not your business. And you do your best… from where you are… with what you are given, and help others along the way whenever you can. That’s it.
And here we are.
Brett and I originally talked about a summer wedding, but we’ve decided to focus first on having two beautiful healthy babies, creating a loving home together, and preparing for all the upcoming changes in our lives. As you can imagine, we have a LOT to get ready for!
So we’re thinking next winter or spring. I’d like to take our time and enjoy planning the celebration. I picture a desert wedding, celebrating outside on a beautiful warm night, dancing with our babies under the stars and palm trees, with our family and friends and loved ones around us.
I have to say it feels wonderful to finally be ready to share this with all of you, and I am so grateful for all your support and advice. These babies are already so loved, and we’re feeling it every day. Thank you.
And Brett, thank you for not giving up until you found me. You’ve made dreams come true I didn’t even know I had. And I’m so excited for this amazing adventure with you.
Love,
Jill Shea says:
January 18, 2013 at 11:16 pm
Congratulations, babies are a blessing!
Angelique says:
January 18, 2013 at 11:17 pm
Thank you so much for sharing Ali. What a lovely post – and you will be fine. You will be tired and sometimes grumpy and sometimes wonder what you were thinking – but you *will* be fine. My eldest is nearly 21 and my two younger ones in their early teens – but I remember feeling how you feel.
So many women will be inspired and reassured by you sharing your journey – thank you.
Keep us posted :O)
Angel
Lisa Mason says:
January 18, 2013 at 11:17 pm
Congratulations! They’re going to continue to teach you these life lessons for many years to come. It’s one of the perks of being a parent. :)
Ebony Price says:
January 18, 2013 at 11:26 pm
I’m so happy for you and to see the ultrasound of the twins as u saw it first made me choke up. Just know mothers are equipped for everything that comes their way with their children. Somehow or another we just know. It’s an incredible bond . You and Brett just be patient with yourselves and each other and all else will completely come together when the angels are born. I’m so happy for you.
Terri cook says:
January 18, 2013 at 11:26 pm
He’s an Aussie! See now I understand why it’s working our Ali! I said to you years ago that you needed alittle Aussie in your life lol
Aysel says:
January 18, 2013 at 11:26 pm
WOW, Ali, what an amazing surprise, indeed! I’m so happy for you, how very exciting! Congrats, mama!
Aysel
mymantraband.com
Susie Cameron says:
January 18, 2013 at 11:27 pm
Double blessings to you and Brett! Wonderful, joy filled news x
Dorit Sasson says:
January 18, 2013 at 11:37 pm
Ali – I am so happy for you. Mazal Tov. Your story reminds me to ALWAYS expect miracles!
Dorit
Linda Allan says:
January 18, 2013 at 11:38 pm
How refreshingly honest. I enjoyed reading your post a lot.
Dorit Sasson says:
January 18, 2013 at 11:38 pm
And I applaud your authenticity, vulnerability and humor.
Dorit
Erica Shelton says:
January 18, 2013 at 11:42 pm
Ali, your post actually brought tears to my eyes. I can relate in so many ways. Congratulations on your big news!!! Being a mom is quite a ride and the best thing ever.
Laura Noland says:
January 18, 2013 at 11:43 pm
Congrats! I’m so happy for you! I have twin boys who are just over a year old! You will be amazed how much love is inside your heart! It’s overwhelming and beautiful!
Mia Redrick says:
January 18, 2013 at 11:45 pm
What an incredible story and blessing!! You are already off to an incredible start with the twins. Congrats! Enjoy! Live in the moment of this incredible blessing. Always make Time for the “Me” in Mommy throughout motherhood.
Jeanie says:
January 18, 2013 at 11:55 pm
Wonderful news!! Congratulations, on all fronts!
Sheryl says:
January 18, 2013 at 11:58 pm
Yay! That’s awesome! You will do great.
jennifer goodwin says:
January 19, 2013 at 12:10 am
ali, l can’t wait until they are ready for their first stand up paddle lesson!!!!!!
Janet says:
January 19, 2013 at 12:10 am
CONGRATS!!! All my best to you, Brett and your wonderful babies! Janet
Wendy Dewar Hughes says:
January 19, 2013 at 12:17 am
Babies are a gift from God whenever and however they happen. Congratulations on your exciting news.
Dee Behrman says:
January 19, 2013 at 12:25 am
What an incredibly beautiful and heartfelt post. Wishing all four of you the very best – good health, happiness and lots of love!
Molesey Crawford says:
January 19, 2013 at 12:26 am
Thanks for sharing Ali! When I first heard the news, I was wondering: girls, boys, or both? What an amazing life you have, and you absolutely deserve it. You give so much to SO many. I’m not surprised at this beautiful double blessing :) BTW, Bret is hot! LOL! You guys are great together :)
Ann Kasun says:
January 19, 2013 at 12:27 am
Amazing and fabulous! Your story tells me you are, as you already know, exactly where you are suppose to be, congratulations. Thanks for the transparency, it will be helpful to so many. blessings for you new, wonderful little family.
Jennifer Bourn says:
January 19, 2013 at 12:29 am
A boy AND a girl … AWESOME! I have both and they are so different and so wonderful! Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I am so incredibly happy for you and Brett — That you found each other, and that you are receiving the best blessing of all, parenthood!
Michelle says:
January 19, 2013 at 12:36 am
Such amazing news a very BIG CONGRATS!! :-)
Marla says:
January 19, 2013 at 12:37 am
With joyful tears welling up in my eyes – incredibly happy for you and Brett. For 5 years now I’ve watched you evolve into a beautiful spiritual mentor I am proud to be on the receiving end of (ELEVATE Advanced, yeah!). Keep using your celebrity for the highest good, Ali. Blessings.
Ibifiri Kamson says:
January 19, 2013 at 12:41 am
Wow I am so happy for u n moved to tears. Can’t imagine you have twins at 41. God indeed is good. Don’t worry u will be a very good mum. I was scared when I was pregnant and wondering if I was ever going to be a good mum but my daughter is here and I am taking it a day at a time and loving it.
Barbara says:
January 19, 2013 at 12:46 am
Wow; that was beautiful, Ali! I had tears lurking in my eyes, and a lump in my throat reading it – very honest, very pure, all of it. My sister had twins (reacted similarly at first), and they ended up being the delight of the extended family for many years. I just couldn’t stop watching them, entranced with their antics. They are now beautiful adults.
Lauren Reid says:
January 19, 2013 at 12:53 am
CONGRATULATIONS! I had the same experience… found out we were expecting “1″ then at nearly 5 months (!) found out it was 2! They said their heartbeats were synchronized! :) Twins are a special gift to not only you, but to each other as well! Enjoy them! xo
Jessica Murray says:
January 19, 2013 at 1:13 am
Ali,
I’ve been following you for a while since you’re among one of the handful of extremely successful alumnae from Simmons. I’m incredibly happy for you and look forward to following your journey.
Karen says:
January 19, 2013 at 1:37 am
Ali this is probably the most beautiful thing you’ve ever written! I can’t help but think there’s some karma going on here – you have helped bring blessings to so many people. May you continue to be so very blessed! And may your babies be healthy and beautiful!
Tanya Mundo says:
January 19, 2013 at 1:38 am
Congratulations Ali! What a beautiful story! I am also the mother of twins (I was 35 when the were born and I am exactly your age now). This is going to be a wonderfully exciting journey for you! Enjoy and best wishes to all of you!
Angela says:
January 19, 2013 at 1:44 am
Ali you are such an inspiration to so many people and your 2 blessings are going to have such a wonderful mother!! (and I’m sure great father also in Brett!) When these blessings are born you will see such immense perspective of your life and what was meant to be! Congrats again and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!
Sheri Keys says:
January 19, 2013 at 1:55 am
Sweetie, this is so so beautiful and thank you for sharing such beautiful transitions with us. I resonated with everything you said about your future hubby too. Evolved men are amazing. I love you and am so happy for you. :)
Pat says:
January 19, 2013 at 2:03 am
Wow! Great post. You’re awesome, the babies are awesome and obviously Brett is awesome. You will know what to do as a mom and each child will teach you along the way what works for them. No worries, just lots of faith, love and intuition <3
Tracey Hurst says:
January 19, 2013 at 2:30 am
Congratulations Ali & Brett what wonderful news. Motherhood has been the most amazing,happy,exhausting eye opening and loving experience in my life and I’m so so happy I have my 2 little boys as I have never known Love like you feel for your little ones. You will be a fantastic mom Ali and although its nerve wracking to start with you just naturally instinctly know what to do for the best. So happy for you, as you have such exciting times ahead. You will also have days where you feel like hiding in the cupboard like Charlotte did in SATC 2 movie, but a few years to get to that toddler years lol…. xxxx
Megan says:
January 19, 2013 at 2:49 am
Congratulations Ali! As usual, you inspire me so much and reading your note today could not have come at a better time. Thank you for sharing your words, wisdom and inspiration, I wish you all of the best in your journey to motherhood and beyond!
Maxine Dunn says:
January 19, 2013 at 2:58 am
Ali, I am so, SO happy for you and your honey and your babies! Congratulations on this wonderful blessing. And thank you for the blessing that you are to the world.
Gail Shapiro says:
January 19, 2013 at 3:29 am
Hi Ali
Well congrats to you and Brett. Since everyone is dishing advice..mine is…don’t make yourself nuts with reading every book you can find. Women raised great children before so many books were available. Trust you instincts and treat your kids with love and respect and they will grow up to be amazing people!
Sherri Durbin, Founder of Consider It Done! says:
January 19, 2013 at 3:36 am
Congratulations Ali! I am a fraternal twin myself. It is such a special thing to be a twin. What a blessing! I wish you and Brett all the best.
Fondly, Sherri Durbin
Sandy Parker says:
January 19, 2013 at 4:06 am
Congratulations to! You are a stunning a glowing mommy-to-be. At 45, i never thought I’d have children. Adopting our son at birth has changed my life in ways I would never imagine or trade for the world. Adding him to our family has been like falling in love all over again every day (even through the current “terrific two’s”!) Enjoy mama! You’re on the best forever ride of your life!
All my love,
Sandy
Stephanie Trahd says:
January 19, 2013 at 4:36 am
Such a beautiful post Ali…I could feel your heart! My thoughts, prayers and good wishes are with you!
Jean Buschke says:
January 19, 2013 at 4:51 am
Congratulations on your exciting adventures! What wonderful news…a lesson in life unfolding when it’s meant to.
jessica says:
January 19, 2013 at 5:06 am
Ali, that was so beautifully written and shared! Congratulations!
Patricia McKinney-Lins says:
January 19, 2013 at 6:13 am
Congratulations, Ali! You are an amazing, authentic, loving woman who will make a terrific mom. I wish you all the best in this new adventure. Enjoy!
Rochelle Miller says:
January 19, 2013 at 7:11 am
Congratulations, these babies are a great blessing for both of you.
Rochelle
Rebecca Nash says:
January 19, 2013 at 7:56 am
Congratulations Ali!
Faye Read says:
January 19, 2013 at 12:35 pm
Oh WOW…Congratulations Ali and Brett. That is fantastic news and I am SO happy for both of you:-) True unconditional love attracts the most wonderful magic into our orbit. No doubt these two souls will be your greatest teachers yet and your greatest joy! I wish you every happiness on your journey xo
Tanya Mundo says:
January 19, 2013 at 1:19 pm
Congratulations Ali! What a beautivul story! I am also the mother of twins (I was 35 when they were born and I am exactly your age now). This is going to be a wonderfully exciting journey for you! Enjoy and best wishes to all of you!
Frank Garon says:
January 19, 2013 at 7:14 pm
Congrats to you both. I know you as a good person, a kind person, and I just know you will be a great mother to these two little blessings.
Linda Lopeke says:
January 19, 2013 at 11:14 pm
I’m very happy for all of you, Ali! Multiple blessings indeed. ;o
Tasha Cooper says:
January 20, 2013 at 12:20 am
Congratulations, Ali! All the best to you!
Ellen says:
January 20, 2013 at 12:45 am
I’m incredibly happy for you both….and those 2 little babies who will be raised with love, affection, attention and so much more! Ali, you will be a terrific mom sharing yourself with these 2 precious bundles–just know it all will work out with TLC!
cathy says:
January 20, 2013 at 5:59 am
That is so great!!!
You will be a great mom.
From the day I met you in the biz 180 you changed my life. Your twins will be so enriched by all the great people that you are surrounded with.
I am here if you have any questions. I survived raising two daughters
Eva says:
January 20, 2013 at 6:11 am
Oooh wow, I can relate to everything you are going through. If you want a survival guide tip heehee; no for real here! 1. Hire a nanny for at least the first 6 months. Go to La Leche League BEFORE you have the babies or hire a lactation specialist, and prepare friends and family to help tons! and the rest mothers intuition will kick in. But definetly enjoy your sleep now:)Blessings…Eva
Heather Waring says:
January 20, 2013 at 11:52 am
Dearest Ali,
Congratulations, so excited by your news, this is fantastic. Twins and a boy and a girl, how blessed can you be? These little people will bring you and Brett so much joy and take you on the biggest roller coaster you have ever experienced. It’s a new phase of life and it’s amazing. Look forward to hearing more. Lots of love H x
Leelo Bush PhD says:
January 21, 2013 at 2:30 am
Would love to see a pic of you “and” Brett… the fabulously happy couple!
Jennifer says:
January 21, 2013 at 3:20 am
What an amazing story! I share your happiness and send love and blessings to you and your family :-)
Deborah Smart says:
January 22, 2013 at 4:21 pm
Ali, Congratulations. I am one of the millions of women who you have met along the way. We met in 2003. Actually when we met you asked if I used botox because at 53 my face was right and tight. :) I always enjoyed following your growth as a woman, and eagerly look forward to your growth as a mother and wife. May God continue to bless you and Brett.
Aprille says:
January 22, 2013 at 6:02 pm
Ali – so very very happy for you – and the family you’re creating! What JOY is right :)
From the time we met, I immediately felt your strength, your brilliance, your beauty. Over time, I watched you open up, retreat, open up, retreat. And what I really watched was you unfolding…especially when we talked at the end of Shine and you said with a quiet excitement and peace “I think I really nailed it this time.” I remember thinking then that what you “really nailed” my Friend, is who you are and what’s next.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~ Anais Nin
You risked…and now it’s your time to blossom. And so these beautiful babies are coming as the blessing of that opening you created. Sending prayers to watch over you and the babies so that it’s a healthy, happy, joyous birth (as fast as possible with as little “ouch” as possible LOL) and a lifetime of smiles, laughter and play.
Warmly
Aprille
http://www.GetClickNow.com
Teresia says:
January 23, 2013 at 3:36 pm
A big congratulations Ali! I am sure it is a very exciting and a scary time. I have been in many intimate conversation with ambitious, successful “mature” women considering becoming mompreneurs over the last couple of years. I had my son (who is 2.5) at 43 and i am so happy my husband and i took the leap! No regrets,the most popular advice i got was it will be the hardest thing you will ever do and the most joyful – sooooo true! I have the “willies” for you as i know it will be a very rewarding journey. Thank you for the inspiration you are for so many!
Stacie says:
January 23, 2013 at 10:14 pm
Beautiful!!!!! As far as your feelings, stick with the JOY! Fear is completely normal. I just remind myself that if millions of other mothers around the world can do it, so can I.
Regarding Guilt, I know a number of mamas that have tough time having children and have dealt with significant loss. I have relatively “easy” pregnancies and deliveries and beautiful children of course ;)
I feel extremely thankful and blessed, but the way I figure it, I’m honoring the women who have a tough time with fertility. After all, if I don’t “use” the blessing I have (since other women aren’t so fortunate), what a waste that would be! It could have been given to another women who really, really, really wanted it. So my mindset is to be a woman who really, really, really wants what I have been blessed with and have NO apologies for that.
Brooke says:
January 25, 2013 at 8:20 am
Congratulations, how exciting!! There is a book that will crack you up, it is real world pregnancy information with humor, it is the Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy. It will make you laugh, even if you sometimes feel like crying. :)
Wendy Young, LMSW, BCD says:
January 31, 2013 at 10:47 pm
Yippeeeeeeeee! Congratulations! This will be one of your most incredible journeys of all time! Enjoy and embrace it all!
Wendy @Kidlutions =)
Rosemary Bredeson says:
January 31, 2013 at 10:59 pm
Dearest Ali, Congratulations! After all you have given others it’s time for you to receive the blessing of the children and the sweetie you have in your life now.
There is nothing that enhances one’s life more than a partner and a future. Raising children brings the future into every day. Having a loving partner makes the path much easier.
Sending you and your family many blessings and much love, along with special hugs,
Rosemary